PROBLEM: Have you ever made a decision and then proceeded to "Should" all over it?
Example: You and spouse make a decision to go on vacation or to purchase a car. Then, right after vacation or purchase, the conversation goes something like this: "we shouldn't have____, you should have thought about____, we should not have______."
· "SHOULD'S" ARE JOY ZAPPERS AND FIGHT STARTERS!!
· "SHOULD'S" INCREASE DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY!!
· "SHOULD'S" ARE REGRET BUILDERS!!"
"Should" statements are judging and not helpful nor effective. They tend to make us feel bad, and they definitely bring out the fight in others! No one wants to be "SHOULD" all over, nor do we!!
SOLUTION: Instead of using judging "SHOULD" statements, try to identify the reason the decision was ineffective, then discuss.
Example 1: "When we went on vacation to____, we spent too much money; next time, let's budget better and choose a more reasonable vacation.
Example 2: I purchased ____ car and realize it doesn't fully fit our budget and our need for saving on gas mileage. Next time let's make a list of what's most important. Let's adjust budget.
"SHOULD'S" can get in the way of our mental health and our relationships. Our Words Matter: self-talk and our words to others are powerful and correlate with how we are feeling. Check yourself next time you "SHOULD" on yourself or someone else. Do a "Do-Over" and share what's really upsetting you, but without the judging terms.
If You'd like help with Communication Skills, learning healthy self-talk or if you're in need of Relationship help, Call Melissa or Katie today at (815) 707-4806.
Blessings
Written by Katie Kroening, LCSW;CADC