By, Katie Kroening, LCSW; CADC
Tip-of-the-Day: Avoid No More To those of you who have a difficult time sharing your thoughts, experiences and opinions, those that may avoid and withdraw from discussions, arguments and conflicts, I'd like to empower you to: “Avoid No More!” I’d like to help you on the path to find your voice, be brave and courageous as you share what you have to say. Your thoughts opinions, feelings and emotions matter.
Problem:
Avoiders and Withdrawers hurt themselves and others when they don’t share their feelings, experiences and thoughts. They can also develop depression and anxiety as well as have trouble in relationships due to keeping feelings inside. Let's explore things that influence the tendency to avoid, and withdraw:
A childhood memory of being shouted at, silenced, ignored, and prevented from expressing negative emotions in a supportive setting.
Conditioning by caregivers: mirroring learned behaviors by a parent(s)/caregiver
Fear of rejection and anger of others
Low self-esteem, low confidence
Codependency: caring for the feelings of others rather than caring for self
Gaslighting by partner: avoider/withdrawer is treated as though, somehow, they are the cause of the gas lighter’s unhappiness; the avoider is always to blame.
Unpredictable Environment: emotionally safe one minute, unsafe the next.
Narcissistic partner: living with a narcissist who thinks they're always right; lectures avoider/withdrawer when the avoider/withdrawer attempts to share a point of view that may be different than or interrupt the narcissist’s opinion.
If you have a controlling and abusive partner, sharing your thoughts and feelings will always result in you being considered wrong.
Experiencing current abuse: physical, emotional, sexual, neglect, lack of independence
Shyness
Solution:
Get help to identify and heal from negative patterns that started from childhood experiences.
You are a person, you have the right to safety, to share your thoughts, feelings and opinions without interruption and without the listener exhibiting bullying or gaslighting behaviors; all people have this right.
You have the right to speak and be spoken too with respect and care, even when someone is angry (they still need to be respectful); it’s how we express anger that gets in the way.
Do not let the control of others over you keep you from exercising your God given right to say what you need to say and feel what you feel and be an independent person who could be contributing to the world.
Be brave and courageous, stand for what you believe, share your feelings and thoughts.
If you are not in an environment that allows you to complete your sentences, share what is on your heart, honor your feelings and thoughts, consider changing your environment.
Most importantly, you are responsible for what you allow; do not wait for your partner, boss, child etc. shut you down or have power over you; this is not love, respect or consideration. Do you want to live with the cost of being bullied, shut down, mistreated, abused, and unable to be a healthy person? It starts with you, we care, take steps to heal…
If you are lying awake at night in emotional agony, feeling like no one hears or sees you or understands what you're going through, please email us at Jenny@centerforcourage.com to start therapy or call (815) 707-4806. There's hope...
• Ezekiel 2:4 The people to whom I am sending to you are obstinate and stubborn. Say to them, “This is what the sovereign Lord says: And whether they listen or fail to listen, for they are a rebellious house-they will know that a profit has been among them. And you, son of man, do not be afraid of them or their words. Do not be afraid though the briers and thorns are all around you and you live among the scorpions…you must speak the words to them whether ty listen or fail to listen.”
• Jeremiah 1:6-9 “Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.”7 But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord. 9 Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth.
• Jeremiah:1:17-19 “Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. 18 Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land—against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people of the land.19 They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord.
Summary: God provides when we are not strong enough to overcome our battles…He hears our cries; He knows what we are going through. He is with us and will give us the strength, courage and voice to say what we need to say, and to be honored and treated well. He commands us to be brave, and to speak the truth, whether people listen or fail to listen. Be brave and courageous and say what needs to be said, do not fear the reaction of others, fear God who is with you and will give you strength; He gives you your life and a voice to speak, feelings to feel, a life to live freely, without fear…please get help if you feel unsafe; you are not alone.
By, Katie Kroening, LCSW; CADC
#SetFree #SpeakUp #freedom #Safety #healed #courageousliving #braveandfree #takeaction #truth #GodWithUs
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