PROBLEM: Sometimes we are mistreated by others: our kids, our spouse's, our bosses, coworkers, random strangers, businesses, parents, siblings, you name it, mistreatment is a human experience. The problem is that we often act similarly with our own bad behavior because we are hurt and feel mistreated; "Hurt people Hurt people". Then, things can really explode:
WE HAND OVER THE KEYS TO OUR REACTIONS.
When we have bad behavior, we end up hurting our pride, our relationships, lose jobs, our integrity with our kids, spouse's, coworkers, you're getting the picture, right? You're not alone and no judgment from me; been there, done that a time or two;).
SOLUTION: OUR RESPONSE IS OUR RESPONSIBILITY FOLKS!!
TAKE BACK THE KEYS!!
Just because someone acts a fool doesn't mean it's helpful or empowering for us to join them? We hand over control to others when we get all crazy and we tell them it's their fault because we acted like madmen and women!! That's far too much power to give to someone, don't you think?
TAKE BACK YOUR POWER AND OWN YOUR STUFF!!
An example: Your teen is yelling at you because you won't do what they want you to do or give them what they want. Instead of yelling back even louder and blaming them for ruining the family, find your power, consider reaching out to your higher power for strength, STAY CALM, BE ASSERTIVE...REMOVE THE AUDIENCE: Cease the discussion with teen and remove self (the audience) from teen's ranting behavior; always invite relationship w/teen, believe in teen, yet reject their poor behavior. Tell them you'll talk when teen regains control, but don't join in!!
Advice: Seek counseling to begin figuring out your triggers to anger, loss of control, and the hurts that are buried beneath the surface. If we don't understand why we lose control and get so mad and reactive, or feel powerless to do so, how can we change our behavior? By understanding our inner hurts and raw spots, and by learning more effective ways of dealing with intense negative feelings, you can be empowered rather than out of control.
This will lead to increased self-esteem, healthy relationships, job mobility and confidence that...
YOU'RE THE ONE IN CONTROL OF YOU!!
Call (815) 707-4806 if you're interested in counseling to help take your power back and find ways staying in control when others lose control.
Blessings,
Katie Kroening, LCSW; CADC The Center for Courageous Living LLC